Taking charge

The seven pastors I work with have well over 200 years of combined ministry experience, and once a month we gather to discuss a topic of my choosing. They pass along their extensive wisdom--experiences, reflection, tips and tricks. It's magnificent.

Last week we got together and discussed weddings. We talked a lot about pre-marital preparation and other issues, but also about managing the rehearsal and ceremony. Specifically, it can sometimes (not always, by any means!) be challenging to work with photographers, outside wedding coordinators, and over-zealous family members.

Their comments reminded me of this blog post from Beauty Tips for Ministers, one of my favorite blogs. The blog's author is a Unitarian Universalist minister in Massachusetts, and she writes thoughtfully and humorously about many different aspects of ministry as a woman. She recently wrote about the importance of establishing oneself as the authority within the context of a wedding, and not allowing the spectacle to overshadow the sacred. Here's an excerpt:

My first rule is, ask nicely. The moment that your reasonable and polite request gets ANY pushback, become all business and be assertive. If you STILL get pushback, morph immediately into Rev. Do-Not-Mess-With-Me. Perfect your steely death gaze....I’m sorry, darlings, YOU must be the Alpha at any wedding or funeral. Not the sound guy, not the wedding planner, not the florist or the caterer. If bringing on an In Charge persona isn’t your thing, fake one until it comes naturally. We’re not out to win Miss Popularity or to be warm and sweet and get walked all over.

It was a good reminder that pastoral office carries with it an authority that I have to claim if I'm to serve effectively. Much of the time, it's helpful and appropriate for a pastor to tread lightly and walk alongside those she's serving. Other times, it's necessary to take a more assertive stance in defense of the gospel and its proclamation in a particular context.

It's something I've been living and growing with throughout my seminary study. So perhaps my progress needs to be tested. Is anyone willing to cross me so I can practice being "Rev. Do-Not-Mess-With-Me"?